Renewal

I once read in some literature that when first having a baby, one might not immediately fall in love, but one will have the instinct to protect and care for the baby. I think I can understand where that writer was coming from. I know the first couple months of being a new parent had its ups and downs for me. I knew I loved my little one, but was not too often overwhelmed by the warm fuzzy feelings. Now that a few months have passed, I'm more rested, the mood swings are mellowing out, and my child is continually growing and changing. I can feel the waves of love for her surge through me with a greater frequency and intensity than ever before. What a joy it is becoming to be a mom!

A new magic was put back into Christmas. I can remember the excitement and anticipation that bubbled up from within me around Christmastime. As the years have passed I have only sensed vague glimmers of that magic. Try as I might to capture it, the magic seemed to be confined to slivers of memories whose sparkle remained as fleeting as that of tinsel on a tree. For some time now, the experience of Christmas had become little more than something ordinary.

But now, something has happened. A "deeper magic" has been sprung. Once trapped impressions have been released from their icy cocoons and melted by the warmth of a parent sharing Christmas with their child for the first time. My memories now mingle in a brew that is to become the magic in the memories carried by my daughter. Something child-like has been awakened in me...a curiosity, a renewed belief in the magical, a joy for the simplest of things, a greater hope even. Excitement.

When I first learned I was pregnant a little over a year ago, I felt a surge of emotions. While I somehow thought I was about to step into one of the most grown-up things I would ever accomplish, I simultaneously felt so much like a small child myself...vulnerable, unsure, fragile. Now it is amazing to see the juxtaposition of two such driving experiences continue to dance and weave themselves throughout my life. By entering into what I consider a very adult role of raising a child, I also can't help becoming more child-like. It's amazing! May these two partners within me continue in a long embrace that I might dance the dance of a lifetime filled with magic, with joy, and with the extraordinary.