In memory of...

After a few years of being in and out of different care facilities, and a couple weeks of severely declining health, my Grandmother passed away. It's still kinda surreal. The emotions of it come and go. Last night we had dinner over at the house, along with my parents. As I walked back into her room with Eric, echoes of memories danced through my mind. I showed Eric the tub where the lot of us would end up after a long day of play when we were little. I remember how Grandma would take her powder puff and dust me lightly with talc after a bath. I can still feel the cool on my skin.

I looked at her jewelry still hanging where it always has, and stepped into the large walk-in closet. It has the same smell it did when I was young. I remember loving to go in there, so captivated by the space, lined with clothes from decades past. I remember she used to keep a couple wigs up on one of the shelves, near the still remaining bottles of champagne from Aunt Deb's wedding. Every so often the family pops one open. It's still pretty good to this day. I also remember this particular pair of silver glittery shoes I used to try on for fun. And a floppy light blue hat.

I remember Grandma used to keep her perfumes and lipsticks on the vanity counter. She never went out without painting her lips a shade of red or pink. She also used to keep a small drawer full of assorted vitamins. I would always beg her for a Vitamin C tab, and pucker all the while at its tang.

There were the lazy summer days spent at the pool. We always got an ice cream bar or Popsicle after a swim. There used to be the large tree swing, that I once broke. The summer also meant fresh nectarines, loquats and grapes. It meant hissing June bugs, catching frogs and the feral kittens that lived in the shed. It meant sticky fingers, dirty feet, the scent of chlorine in the hair and pretending to play croquet in the oval. It meant the whir of the ice cream maker, and salt covered ice I could only lick twice. It meant hide and seek after dark, with the sound of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune in the background. Years later, it still means some of these things. Now it's time for a new generation to discover summer.

One of my last visits with Grandma I was talking about my daughter a little. "It's too bad I won't be able to see her grow up, " she remarked. At that moment I knew we both knew this was goodbye. And even though I'm a Bible believing kinda gal, I still won't dare to say I think I know what heaven is like. For now I'll think of it as an endless summer, where one can experience all the joys of being young while keeping all the wisdom of being old. And maybe, just maybe we'll get a glimpse of Grandma this summer in a cloudless starry night, or hear her in the humming of the Bottlebrush filled with bees.